Letting Go

April 29, 2020

Letting Go

Have you ever wondered why all the things that have happened to you have to happen ?

Why? and the other "why" left unanswered.

I got myself wander to different questions but actually was root in the same matter, trying to solve everything by my human mind.

I was just thinking, how can i be in this point where it feels so hard to accept everything, even harder to thinking about :

- Trusting God,

- To surrender,

- And be hopeful about my future,

But He is a Good Father, who will help me to go through everything, even up until these days where i have to get to know myself more during social distancing and quarantine.

I discovered a lot about myself. Despite being happy and cheerful all the time, i am also the same woman who is kind of hopeless, overthinking, sad, and little bit clueless on how to processing my own emotion and feelings ?

To be honest, i was a little bit scared to accept and face this part of my self, because damn i love the happy, quirky and sassy, funny part of myself, why would someone ever wants or choose to be gloomy or sad ? I just don't like when i'm sad as well. Until "to accept and face" is the only solution i have to make peace with myself, and to survive this social distancing and this season.

Letting go is not forgetting,

Letting go doesn't mean that there is nothing to worry about,

Letting go doesn't mean you get everything figured it out,

Letting go is accepting that no matter what had happened to you, is happening to you, or even will happen to you, GOD IS STILL IN CONTROL AND HE HAS BEAUTIFUL PLANS FOR YOU.

But i was trapped in the "Whatever happens to you or whatever will happens, God is still in control", in a very scary way, it makes me think :

"What will happen to me in the future?" and i was preparing myself for other worse scenarios that probably and might happened. But eventually realizing that's not letting go. Damn i love to be in control.

Letting Go doesn't make you planning for the worse to happen, letting go is fully surrendering your life, accepting whatever has happened and what makes you who you are today, and it gives you hope. Hope that striving you to be a better person, and creating a better future.

I have to let go of my past,

I have to let go of my expectation on myself to always be happy, and accepting who i am, that i might be such a wreck of emotion & full of feelings that i don't really want but at the same time I am Strong.

Quarantine makes me realize that i still have a lot of past traumas, wounds, and any other things that i need to work on. In other words, this season really discovers me.

What this season has taught you? What are you doing during quarantine and stay at home? hope you are having a good time!

So i'm doing a small photoshoot (again) hahhaha, hope you will enjoy it!

ps. I don't even know what am i writting actually, these words just came up to my mind.